If you are comfortable and happy to see where you will end up without any expectations then you don't need to set goals; just go with the flow and leave life up to chance. But this is not a satisfying or viable option for most of us. The majority of people want to be more in charge; to have direction and move towards the destination of their choice. This article will provide you with valuable strategies, tips and traps, to help you arrive at the destination of your choice.
But first you need to make a decision; do you or don't you want to achieve certain things in your life? Do you or don't you want to live a more fulfilling and satisfying life? Are you going to live your life with that gnawing feeling of unlived potential or do you want to live your life with purpose, meaning and direction? You need to make a decision; if you leave it to chance you are like a ship that has set sail with no destination.
When you are clear about what you want to achieve, you know where to focus your efforts and direct your attention. You can more easily recognize when you are off track, refocus your attention and get back on track. It is easy to get side-tracked or distracted and there are several reasons for this:
- Your brain often looks for the path of least resistance. After all it often seems easier not to do something than to do something.
- After your initial enthusiasm the novelty of the goal wears off and you revert to your default position. Just think about New Year resolutions. Most people don't make it past the 7th day of January!
- You will play mind games and a part of you will try to convince yourself that it is too hard, too much effort or not that important. This is known as unconscious sabotage. Unconscious sabotage happens for different reasons and one of these is fear. It is the fear of failing as much as the fear of succeeding that prevents most people from ever reaching their goals.
We will address each of the above so you have the tools and techniques to deal with the inevitable distractions and mind games that you will encounter along the way.
When you set clear goals that are aligned with your values you will be more motivated. When you follow your strategy and start experiencing positive results, you will grow in self-confidence. Following your strategy creates momentum (motivation) which encourages more positive action. But first you need to be crystal clear about what you want to achieve. You will also need determination and above all, a strong belief that you can achieve your goals.
To believe or not to believe...that is the question
Do you beliefs help or hinder you?
How many athletes would succeed if they did not really believe they could? Would a tennis player, a golfer, or swimmer perform at their best if they thought 'Well I'll give it a go but I don't really think I can win?' Apart from perhaps an exceptional few it is extremely unlikely that you will succeed without a strong conviction or belief. What often sets the top athletes apart is not just their physical fitness or talent, but their mental fitness.
If you don't really believe you can achieve your goals, reaching them will be almost impossible. Your limiting belief will undermine any success you may experience. If you are going to set goals it is vital that you believe in your goals. More importantly, that you believe in yourself and your ability to stick to your strategy and do' whatever' it takes.
It is essential for your brain to believe that you can and will achieve your goals. Your belief is like a spotlight in your brain. Whatever you shine your light on, your brain will see. You need to engage your brain to help you achieve your goals not just rely on will power alone. Your brain will lead you in the direction you focus on. It's that simple. What you focus on will also activate feelings that are associated with that belief.
To illustrate this point, try this. Think about something that made you feel sad, really imagine it! You need to create a scenario, either real or imagined in order to be able to feel that emotion. Now think of a happy event and you will feel happy. What you need to know is that your thoughts activate your feelings and emotions and your feeling and emotions activate your thoughts.
Choose what you think about and pay attention to how it makes you feel. If you want to achieve your goals you need to imagine and see yourself as if you have already achieved them. This will make you feel good and in turn you will feel motivated to get to your desired destination.
How does this work?
Research indicates that when you repeatedly focus your attention on an idea or outcome (positive or negative), your brain devotes additional neural pathways to notice, process and actualize what it is you are focusing on. This means that what you repeatedly place your attention on you tend to create in reality!
What neural pathways are you creating? What are the things that you are focusing on? Remember that saying, be careful what you wish for? This is true. While we did not know why it was true, we now know that it is a fact based on findings in neuroscience. The neural pathways (patterns) in your brain will activate matching feelings and emotions and your feelings and emotions will in turn reinforce and strengthen the neural pathways.
If you don't believe you can't achieve
If you want your goals to come to fruition, it's essential that your goal match your beliefs. If they don't, then you need to raise your beliefs so they do match your goals. Be conscious not to lower your goals or desires to match your beliefs instead. If you don't think you can achieve your goals, reflect on what stops you from believing in yourself and your abilities. Doing this will often bring limiting beliefs to the surface.
Common limiting beliefs
Some of the most common limiting beliefs are: I am not good, smart or skillful enough. I don't really know what I want; let alone where I should start.
The first step might be to talk to people and ask lots of questions. There are many professional coaches, consultants and people who are suitably qualified and more than willing to help you. Ask and you will receive.
Can limiting beliefs be comfortable?
Yes you bet! Some people are too afraid to believe they can reach their goals. They think that this will protect them from disappointment and somehow this makes them feel comfortable. In this case one thing is certain; disappointment is well and truly on its way. Have you ever wondered why lucky people are lucky or successful people are successful? Why are unlucky people unlucky? Listen to what they tell themselves 'I'm unlucky' or 'I always have bad luck'. Do you think their neurons will fire and wire together to create a new neural pathway that moves them towards a positive outcome? NO, definitely not!
Now think about the results the following beliefs are likely to have 'I am successful at achieving my goals' or 'Good luck is always on my side'. People who hold these beliefs will often be successful and 'lucky'. I wonder why!
There is an old saying 'If you think you can or think you can't, either way you are right'.
How to match your beliefs to your goals
Now you might say, but what if I'd like to achieve something but I have trouble believing I can. Here is one of the most important things you should know about your brain. You don't have to believe it to start with, just tell your brain you believe it! Surely you have heard the saying 'Fake it till you make it' or 'Act as if'.
Be careful not to fall into the trap of irrational positive thinking. By all means aim high and challenge yourself; just make sure your goal is based on a reality that you can accept otherwise you will create conflict between your conscious and subconscious mind. This will certainly sabotage your efforts.
Just start telling your brain from now on that you are achieving your goals. See yourself as having already achieved them. Imagine the feeling of having achieved your goals. Hear it, see it and feel it. Don't think about specifically how you are going to achieve your goals at this stage, just act as if you have already achieved them.
How does this work?
This is one of the most amazing and useful discoveries about your brain. Please think about the important ramifications of this discovery. The part of your brain that you can program (your limbic system) does not know the difference between reality and imagination. In other words you can tell this part of your brain almost anything and it will believe you. Tell your brain that you can hear long nails scratching up and down a blackboard. Tell your brain that you are sucking a most sour lemon. See yourself eating a handful of dirt etc. See how your body and mind react to these thoughts.
The limbic part of your brain (the emotional part of your brain) subconsciously drives all of your actions, behaviors and decisions. Without feelings and emotions you can't make any choices or decisions. Your brain will react to what you think as if it is real. Very successful people including the vast majority of top athletes use visualization as part of their training program. They practice in their mind, a golf swing, a serve, scoring a goal etc. Research states very clearly that people who use visualization to program their brain show vast improvements over those who don't.
Remember that your brain will obey you. You instruct your brain to either help or hinder you. The instruction is your belief. What you believe is what you instruct your brain to do. Your brain will not argue with your instructions. It will agree with what you say. So be very careful about what instructions you give your brain. Are you programming yourself for success or failure?
There are two types of goals
When we talk about goal setting what comes to mind? You probably think of things you would like to achieve, gain or have. What most people don't realize is there are two types of goals.
- Thing you would like to achieve
- Things you would like to stop or no longer do
Things you might like to achieve could be:
- Artistic goals
- Career or educational goals
- Family and relationship goals
- Financial goals
- Physical fitness & wellbeing
- Helping others and the community
- Personal and spiritual growth
Things you would like to stop or no longer do
You can also set goals to change your behavior, thinking or attitude; things you would like to stop or no longer do. These goals can also be part of what you would like to achieve. This means that sometimes you need to stop doing something in order to do something else. For example, I will stop being judgmental and instead l will keep an open mind. I will stop eating fast food and instead I will eat nutritious meals. I will stop smoking and instead I will be healthy.
Strategies for positive change
- Think about what you would like to stop doing.
- Turn this into a statement by using the NO OPTION technique.
- For example: Being judgmental is no longer an option, eating junk food is no longer an option, smoking is no longer an option. Not achieving my goals is no longer an option, having money struggles is no longer an option. Get the picture?
- Visualize a hallway. At the end of the hallway is a big steel door. Behind that door is the thought, behavior or habit that you want to change. Visualize a big steel door at the end of the hallway. What color is it? What does it look like? Then say to yourself that walking through the big steel door is no longer an option. Visualize closing that door shut, locking it and throwing away the key. Entering that door is no longer possible. You cannot open that door anymore and you can't walk through the door that leads you to the thought, behavior or habit that you no longer want. You now have to create a path for your new thought, behavior or habit.
Every repeated thought, behavior or habit forms a neural pathway in your brain. It is like creating a groove in soft matter. This neural pathway when activated (this happens mainly unconsciously) leads you to the same result. So when you want a different result you need to walk a different path. The same principle applies to your brain. In order to get a different result you need to create a different neural pathway. But you need to block or shut down the old one first so you can't automatically go down that path, which for the moment is your default position.
You now have to groove out the new neural pathway that leads you to the new result. This is a conscious process and has to be done through repetition, repetition and more repetition before it becomes the new habit or default position. If you are motivated, disciplined and positive during the process it's more likely that you will achieve a quicker and more successful outcome.
Ever wondered why an old habit like giving up smoking is so difficult?
- No decisive decision is being made. The pathway that leads to that habit is not closed off. This is no longer an option closes that route or pathway. Instead of blocking the pathway most people TRY but don't decide and act on that decision. They keep on walking the same, well-trodden path. They don't close the door on the behavior, they leave it open instead. You can't do both, you either walk on that path or you don't. Make up your mind and decide. Either close the door or leave it open. Unfortunately when it comes to these types of decisions you can't half decide because if you do it's highly unlikely that you will achieve your goal.
- Most people feel deprived by giving something up, feeling bad rather than feeling great about being a non-smoker. Feel great about your decision and your brain will support you. Feel bad about it and your brain won't support you! It is as simple as that. Your brain is designed to protect you from feeling bad, so why would your brain support you if something makes you feel bad?
- Most people give up grooving out a new pathway in the brain before it takes hold and becomes automatic. Neurons need many 'hits' to convert the electrical impulse to chemicals. Electrical is only a short term hit, chemical is long term conversion.
- The brain perceives the new behavior as wrong and needs time as well as many electrical hits (repetition, repetition, repetition) to convert to chemicals and over-ride the error message.
Don't wait for motivation
If you don't know exactly how to achieve your goal don't let that stop you. It's important to realize that you don't have to have all the answers or know every step you will take. You just need to know where you want to go and start the journey. Remember the saying a journey of 1000 miles starts with the first step. Procrastination leads to stagnation. This will slow the process and flow of energy and it will set you back. As referenced earlier when discussing neuroscience, when you focus on your goal you move closer to your goal and your goal moves closer to you.
Interesting things start to happen when get going, if you just start 'doing it'. Your intuition or gut feel as well as your focus become stronger and you feel compelled to keep moving. Serendipitous events take place and 'coincidences' that you may not have previously recognized (or otherwise dismissed), take on new meaning. A whole world of opportunities will open up. Just get started, keep your eyes open and focus on where you want to go, not where you don't want to go.
The motivation myth
How many times have you heard someone say 'I am not really motivated' or 'I know I "should" do this' and don't forget the old favorite 'Tomorrow I'm going to...'. Have you ever waited for motivation to kick in before you took action?
Have you ever been to a seminar or conference where there was a motivational speaker? Were you motivated after the talk? Probably! Did your motivation last? Probably not! Motivation generally needs to come from within. A motivational speaker can sometimes start the ball rolling but you need to keep rolling the ball. Otherwise a motivational talk is nothing more than a sugar hit; a bar of chocolate. It tastes great in the moment but the hit soon wears of.
Ultimately, no one else can motivate you except you. A good motivator or coach facilitates your internal process so that you see the reason and value of what it is you want to achieve. Motivation comes from the inside, rarely from the outside. No one really gives up anything because someone else tells them to.
When you find a compelling reason to do something, it's more likely you will be motivated. Having said that, you might have a good reason and still lack motivation to start what sometimes seems like an arduous journey.
Don't wait for motivation to magically appear or for anyone else to motivate you because you will be waiting a very long time.
Just start
Here is the key. Don't wait until you feel motivated, start the momentum by just taking the first step...like it or not, motivated or not! Instead of waiting for motivation to pull you along you need to pull motivation along. In other words when you generate momentum the momentum will multiply. Just imagine pushing a rock up a hill. You create the momentum in order for the rock to reach the top and then it rolls down the other side. The rock did not get there by itself, you pushed it. You started the momentum and then the momentum continued and became more self-generated.
Have you ever seen people pulling something very heavy, like a car? What happens? At first there is a lot of pulling and nothing much seems to happen. Then very slowly the heavy object creates momentum and that is exactly the point. Once the momentum has been created, once the object or energy has been set in motion, it keeps moving. Even when you stop, it will keep moving for a while. If you would now move to the back of the object it will even pull you along for a while.
Just as with exercising for example, once you start, the motivation will follow you and eventually it overtakes you. After a while you are motivated to exercise and will even miss it if you don't.
Where do I start?
Some people have a strong desire (a strong reason) to achieve something but they don't know how to go about it. To start the process all you need is the big picture or end result and a strong desire to achieve it.
The word motivation is derived from the Latin word 'motare', movement (which is also the root word for the word emotion, energy that moves.) For an organism it is the basic action, caused by an arousal. Even the most primitive organisms are moved into action; either moving towards a reward or moving away from danger. In order for movement to take place for an organism, there needs to be a reason and humans are no different. Often, the more reasons there are the more movement will take place. So in order to be motivated, to move towards your goal, there needs to be a good reason to do so. This is where your personal values, needs and desires come into the picture.
They key word here is reason. It is the reason that gives purpose to the direction, to the movement. Very simply put, motivation is the WHAT that drives you to behave in a certain way or to take a particular action. Motivation is your reason, not someone else's; it's your WHY to do something. WHY is the strong reason for you to desire something and when you have a strong reason why than your motivation will follow.
How to create your own motivation
- Establish a compelling reason, a very strong WHY (desire). This works like a magnet
- Pressure test your beliefs and make sure they match your desires
- Get excited and emotionally connect to the outcome
- Get your brain onside by focusing positively on your goal
- Don't give up on your goal. Many people give up just before the rock reaches the top of the hill and it rolls down the other side. It is often at the point of breakthrough that people experience the most resistance and give up. Think of trying to break an elastic band, the most resistance occurs just before it breaks
- Start moving and get going!
What if I have a goal but don't know the steps to get me there?
If your reason for wanting something is strong enough and your belief matches this desire, even if at the time you don't know how to achieve it, keep moving; go as far as you can with what you know. When you desire something strongly enough it is said that the whole universe conspires to bring about the circumstances, people and resources you will need to achieve that purpose.
This does not mean that you just throw caution to the wind and all you have to do is desire. You have to act on the opportunities that present themselves. Use your due diligence and be very discerning about what moves you towards your goal and what might distract you and move you away from it.
Guidelines for how to set your goals and achieve them
A goal or plan without action is merely wishful thinking. State your goal, develop your action plan and be like a tree that bends in the wind. Remain focused and determined yet be flexible enough to bend when new circumstances present themselves.
- Set your goal. Avoid setting too many goals at once as you might go into overwhelm and this will hinder your success. Set three important goals (the momentum makes other goals easier to achieve).
- Ensure your goals align with your needs, values and beliefs
- Use the SMART principle
- Specific; be clear about your goals and avoid general statements. Write your goal as if it has already been achieved
- Measurable; be sure you can measure your progress as this helps you stay on track
- Attainable; develop your action plan. You don't need to know every step. The first step is more than enough as you have now set the wheels in motion
- Realistic; set realistic goals that inspire, motivate and challenge you and ensure your belief system matches your goals
- Timely; put a timeframe on your goals and action plans to continue the positive momentum
- Create your animated vision board and watch it (preferably twice a day)
- Engage your brain to help you achieve your goals. See yourself as having already achieved your goals and affirm what you want as if you have already obtained it
- Remain focused and disciplined so you can deal with procrastination and manage the inevitable distractions
- You are creating new neural pathways. Repetition, repetition, repetition!
- Use online Systems or enlist the help of a 'buddy' who will help you stay on track
- Review and evaluate your progress regularly.
- Ask for advice if you are not clear about your goals. There are many skilled and trained professionals willing to help you
- Don't wait for motivation...start moving!
If you don't already set goals, do so, starting now. As you incorporate this technique into your life, you'll find your life accelerating, and you'll wonder why you didn't start sooner.
